Yapper Dogs

I hate little fucking yapper dogs. Little, obnoxious shits...with big mouths.

Irrelevance

Anyone else notice how good ole F31 is no longer the cool destination on Empty Beer that it once was? It seems the All Mountain crowd have taken over with great threads like Turner RFX DW or Intense Uzzi VP. And there being 30+ posts comparing a real bike that's in production and one that is as available as unicorn shit. And another thread asking about the relative merits of the different forks to put on this mythical beast. And finally, the thread that went off topic about why DT should build a slopestyle DW 5 Spot. It seems like the circle is shrinking on the circle jerk that is the Turner forum. Kinda too bad, I guess. But is the Turner forum's decline the 29er forum's gain?

Thanksgiving Cruise on the Love boat with Fo and Squeaky

How cute, the 2 closet homo's are hooking up for a Thanksgiving cruise

Did you win this cruise with your last luxury sports car purchase Dr. RichyRich?

Since I'm poor white trash I plan on staying home and cooking MikeseeMe's Bacon loaf on Turkey day, accompanied by plenty of alcohol and football.

Tubeless "going flat" feeling

I know the advice here is the better than that other place so here goes - I just switched to tubeless and am running 18PSI in back and 12 PSI up front, super low pressures just like everybody at that other place suggested. Problem is I'm 225lbs in the shower, and my tires now feel like they're almost flat - almost like I don't have enough air in them. What's up? Am I missing something really obvious? Thanks!!

Terminal Douchey-ness

OK...this is rich!

If you've ever had any doubts as to the depths of douchey-ness that can be reached on Empty Beer, specifically in WankVille..., I submit exhibit A.

XCGhey, who apparently is injured, and can't ride... bestows upon his make believe buddies in HomerVille, his latest hiking exploits complete with pictures.

Now, as if these hiking pictorials aren't nausea inducing in and of themselves..czech out XCGhey's latest heart wrenching contribution.

"What Really Matters"
http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=572972

Apparently, someone he knows was held up and robbed at gunpoint and he is very, very distraught.

So upset in fact, that he felt compelled to go on MTBR and post up the story...complete with a weepy, sappy, U-Toooob video to hammer the emotional point home.

"So, just a few pics and a video which kinda matches my mood at the moment. Hey, everyone, tell your loved ones you love them right now 'cause you just never know."

OMFG!!!

What skeeves me out... is how some of these douchebags possess these bizarre, parallel lives, so entrenched in chat room forums... and seemingly compelled to share their life's most personal, and significant events with their make believe internet buddies.

Facebook has nothing on Empty Beer.

Stay tuned...If his pet hamster developes anal warts...I'm sure we'll be the first to hear about it.

How To Write a PRO REVIEW

Take a hint, Sutton.

1. Perfect use of "...and I couldn't be happier"
2. Perfect description of the gnar of the riding (thus adding to the street cred)
3. Use of big words like "negligible", to further increase credibility
4. Proper disclosure of XC usage, but with a Lyrik
5. Wording implying the equipment is animate
6. Expert talk about efficiency...then talking about how there's more to it than efficiency

"have another month under my belt on this setup and I couldn't be happier. Chumba's settings on the CCBD seem about dialed. I ended up with an extra click one LSC and 1/4 turn HSC. I am riding Midwestern tight single track with lots of small elevation changes.

I started using my VF2 with a Pike fork and immediately noticed how much smoother the rear coil was to the dual air fork. I bit the bullet and bought a Lyrik coil. It felt a little mushy from the factory so I added the optional extra firm spring along with a spring sleeve to alleviate spring noise from the fork. Now the bike feels completely balanced. This fork is sweet. It literally gobbles up stuff. You can pedal right through a street curb or small log and the shock just absorbs it with very little feedback. I started running the Lyrik at 140mm, I am now running it almost all the way out maybe 155mm, I like the slacker feel.

I love this bike. I came off a XCL with air5.0/Pike dual air and the vf2 with coil shocks is just so much better. I feel the carbon fiber rear triangle doesn't hurt the ride either, it feels less ping-y to me. I can't tell you how much I prefer the coil vf2 over the air XCL. The CCDB is sweet and improves the bikes handling, comfort and climbing ability. I also like the fact I can still load the suspension to pop over obstacles. Efficiency and weight changes seem negligible to me. The VF2 lighter weight may balance the weight difference of the shocks.

I think people should realize that there is more to a good bike than ultra light weight and total efficiency. I am confident that most riders would be way happier on spring shocks in most conditions other than competitive XC. It is just a better setup and it will enhance the quality of the ride and the capability of the bike. Beyond that I was stoked about my XCL before this and I always thought it was a great all-around balanced bike with great handling. This setup VF2 is just a better bike."

New Sheriff in Town

Step aside PUSH Industries and CCDB...I am the new soon to be Homer-approved, must-have, cant-live-without, impress-the-other-homers shock

POLL

Why is the poster formerly known as Analmouse such a pathetic internet loser?

a) Cause he is a chickenshit sack of ass
b) He's an E buddy of cactuSCORNED
c) He has no penis thus purchases custom Ti bikes and luxury sports cars
d) He didn't get enough nipple time as an infant and has no game

Aqua is a phony sack of ass!!!

Poseur redefined.

What a total POS - I always knew there was no way an 80 year old could ride like his pics suggest. Below see the 3 comparos that show the truth, i.e., pre-photshop by that lying sack Aqua.

I would like to acknowledge the good investigative work of the ReTodd, aka El Salt, for his help on this matter.

Suck my balls AnalmousE!

Hey AnalmousE

SUCK MY HAIRY BALLS!!!!!!!!

The only thing that sucks worse than you is DW Turners and cactuSCORNED!

Oh yeah, and BTW, FUCK YOU!

YOU FUCKIN RETARRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all

Watered-down Hate Requested

Due to popular demand, clearly from folks with less spine than i thought, they prefer to know who is insulting them (as if that will stop people).

In any event, I removed the Anonymous option for posting so where before I allowed all people to post, including these cowards, that is no longer

Stop the Madness!!!

Stop posting anonymously, you fucking Goons.

It degrades the quality of this Blahg when you do that.

Fragile as Aqua's Ego

In the spirit of leveraging this rad blagh as a PSA, I want to warn you about one of the many sheep-supported and most overrated bike components.

Stop using MTBR for all your purchasing decisions and stop believing every cut and pasted cliche you idiots read! Wishful thinking I am sure but I care about you so I felt the need to try.

Please replace immediately if you have one and do so with a carbon stem to increase the robustness of said part. You are welcome.

Culinary Arts

Yo Fo:

Perhaps if you started posting up some of your culinary creations you could get more exposure for this POS Blahg.

Just sayin'.

A match made in Heaven

I was unaware of these until today. I know many of you agree that carbon is an optimal material for MTBing, and I also know you agree that Ellsworth makes a top 10 bike, most likely a top 3 bike...so no doubt the wheels, especially coupled with carbon, will be equally outstanding.

My only complaint is that they dont have a 29er version in carbon. While I would not pay the retail of $2000, I would easily pay $1750 for such a pair of wheels.

"Interesting" Bike for sure

Perhaps the best part is we no longer have to hear that the Lenz is the only bike with geometry good enough for Mikesee! Speaking of Lenz, why was that bike called the PBJ? Park Bike? A supposed DH bike is NOT a Park bike by most peoples definition. Yes, Whistler is a "Park" but not a great name, but I digress.

Here is Intense's new 29er idea on the matter, a la model 2951, which looks entirely rad. I am sure DeeZee will buy one just cuz he is an Intense whore, and so he can shuttle San Juan.

The more you know...

Consider this a PSA for MTBing...yes folks, this is not golf, which by definition cannot be a sport since you consume more calories while playing than you burn.

I would like to thank Felchaholic for this thread link. I am convinced it grabbed his attention given the resemblance to his mangina. Nevertheless, wear your pads!!! and skate lid of course.

http://forums.mtbr.com/showpost.php?p=6277437&postcount=1

PCC

Oh GOD please save this BLOG.

I've got a set of Fo's Moms undies for the winner. Skid marks included!

Time for Fo to pack it in...

Faux, I hear you celebrated your 100th birthday recently. Seriously, isn't it about time you stopped trying to hang with the cool MTB kids and started a more appropriate hobby, like embroidery?

Hey Fo...Fuck You!

How to mutulate a 36 Talas for 29er use !

Now its no secret that some clever 29er fans have learned they can cut or grind abit of the support arch out of their 36 Talas to allow clearance for 29 inch wheel use and I guess an internal spacer is added to reduce travel as well if I'm not mistaken ! Now , how many of you brave souls would be willing to try this mod and actually use the fork for its intended use........in other words not how the overweight ground hugger uses it for ? I dunno......bastardizing an expensive fork , voiding the warranty , and trusting the work of some cowboy machinist just doesn't add up ! Some of these pioneers are selling them off to others like its okay even though Fox has put out a strong warning not to do this mod to any of their forks ! I say go for it........but don't push this lame idea on others that may use the fork for light freeride and wind up eatin it do to catastrophic failure !

What is wrong with this Picture?

besides the small wheels...........

**Edit one more...........

Why Are Some Bloggers Such Shills?

From Empty Beer:

The Santa Cruz Tall Boy is dialed, just like I said on my blurb at Twenty Nine Inches, but here's a bit more detail.........

The frame is beautiful close up. Very clean looking for a DW Link bike, which for the most part look clunky and like an enginerding exercise gone wrong. (Maybe that's just me, but I think most DW Link rigs are just flat out weird and ugly)

The frame has awesome lateral stiffness. No waggle, no wiggle. Just solid in the g-outs and corners taken at speed. Slow techy moves show no signs of front end waggle, which I hate.

Climbing was very good, decscending was excellent as well.

The bike allows you to get out of the saddle and climb without feeling like you are dragging a cinder block behind you. It feels like a bike. Some FS designs feel sluggish in this respect that we rode out there. (Worst of which was the Jamis 650B FS bike)

Suspension was tuned very well. Great front to rear balance, I felt a very slight progression to firmer feel as it went through it's travel. No harsh spike near the end, but just controlled and slightly ramped up near the end of travel with the rear end.

The Fox fork worked well. I am getting more travel out of them this go round. That was true of all the Fox product we rode, and not just this particular bike.

Had a great chat with Mr Ferrentino afterward about the design process and their thoughts on the 29"ers as a whole. They did a ton of R&D and prototyping on this rig, and the work has paid off. This is a very good rig.

.....................and dang expensive!

But I bet it will be a hit and that they sell every one they make. It's a top notch FS 29"er for sure.

I rode the the Tallboy, and besides the we're-trying-too-hard-to-be-cool-and-ending-up-looking-stupid name, the bike pedaled like crap. That thing bobbed more than a stripper you just handed a $100 bill to in the Champagne Room. Geometry was pretty good, but it seemed to blow through the travel pretty quickly. And yes, the sag seemed to be set correctly. And what kind of dumbass puts SB8 tires on a demo bike at Bootleg Canyon? Yes, we get it. The bike is light, but don't be stupid by putting too light tires on it. I saw lots of dead tubes in the SC demo area. I rode the Pivot Mach 429, and thought it was great. Pedals well, a little less plush than the Sultan, and I liked the way it handles. Oh yeah, and they ran a Rampage in the front and the SB8 in the rear. Much more confidence inspiring in the Bootleg Canyon mini-chunk that I rode.

Man Love

Boy oh boy, Interbike was fun. Whiskey, men, and bikes.

Note the TWO empty shot glasses in my hand - each with a second pour.

meaningless thread

my life is meaningless without 40 pages of interbike test ride impressions and fancy pics. just sayin.

Freaking EPITOME of Retardation!

I would like to thank dulyebr for pointing out this carbon-based abortion. I am generally not at a loss of words but truly am here...this literally crosses every threshold of MTB-related retardation known to man.

There is one other Ibis-based MTBRetard who no doubt HAS to be a douche so there must be something to these bikes

UGLY

Nicolai is officially no longer the ugliest industrial abomination on the trail.

The new RFX takes the cake. Simply heinous to behold. Although I'm sure it "pedals great"

Really?

WTF is this?

A freaking piggyback on a freaking adj post? Really? WTF?!

Granted I actually like the version I have on my Sultan but this is embarassing

Is PUSH working on these now?

PRO REVIEW: Smoking and Riding

Acknowledging i dont have the tolerance built up like Cactuscorn, who probably wouldn't be phased biking in the middle of a nuclear war given his lifestyle, I do not believe strenuous exercise and air polution of any sort is an optimal combination.

I am extrapolating a bit but I dont think so - I rode my bike at lunch today, in 90 deg temps, with a fire running rampant in a neighboring city and now feel like I ate a pack of cigs.

Therefore, in summary, I personally cannot recommend riding and smoking.

Ok, back on topic - Interbike 2009

Not sure about you but I am at wit's end with that little perv Eleanor - this is a family website and her/his postings are clearly out of line and may require I update the Blahg charter.

I am sure some of you retards (in fact I know) are going to Interbike, so here is our opportunity to request of these retards any specific bikes/parts we want reviewed. I want the "inside" scoop ahead of mags and mtbr because I simply can't wait to tell people first what new parts/bikes for 2010 I am going to get to revolutionize my riding...parts/bikes that without, my riding simply cannot be enjoyable.

And to the retards going, what is your motivation? Do you plan to get pictures taken with your heros, both in the biz and perhaps MTBR heros? I am not sure if tscheezy plans to attend so if not please take MANY pictures, post many reviews so I can be sure to profess ahead of my friends what 2010 parts I know I will be getting.

Thx in advance

EDIT: I have asked "one of our own" to provide crappy cell phone pics while there...as such, the blahg will be considered the ultimate source of all things Ibike 09

Pic of DW Link turner w/ Hammerschmidt from Dirtbag Demo - I guess DW was wrong, it can be run with a HS

To all my gentile friends........

I would like to wish you all a very Happy Jewish New Year.

Shanah Tovah !

Stay on Course !

In the spirit of adhering to Fo's request that we stay on topic, I remind everyone that Fo is our captain and he steers our ship.

Warning

I have noticed that as of late topics have not been MTB related. Please consider this a warning and stay on topic. Newbies come to this site for guidance and I dont appreciate all these "distractions" that take away from the mission of the blahg. Thx in advance

Birthday Dinner Ideas

Great ideas for the entire family. Maybe the wife and kids will take you?

September 16: Happy Birthday Fo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday FuckFace. I hope the next 41 years treats you better than the last. You really look like hell.

Tapered vs. 1.5

Jeezus! You'd think that that the future of Western Civilization is at stake. I know that we can all tell the difference in stiffness when we're e-riding, but is there really a noticeable on a real bike.

Discuss.

keepin my bitches in tune

hey fo! im headed out for yer moms annual 10,000 mile check up next week. come down and buy me a beer or ill cancel yer 2% cut of the profits.

Help your MTBRutha Out

Given that part of the blahg's Mission Statement has to do with philanthropy in the MTB community, I would like to help a fellow MTBR brother address a significant dillema. More specifically,

"I need a 29er one liner/catch phrase

I have a frame that I am about to finish and want a 29er phrase to put on the seat stay before I clear coat it.I do have two young boys so it has to be clean no four letter words so to speak.so throw them out boys and girls."

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=553299

I think its wonderful that MTBR provides such great opportunities for helping people "find" themselves

I'm selling all my MTB's.

Ok, stop the "fixie hate" you may have in your hearts. I say, HTFU and try ANY of this shitzle.

Q factor and clearance issues !

Intense Tracer 29’er

I am starting to feel like a zealot about the new Intense Tracer 29’er. Adjustable travel from 4.75 to 5.25.

http://www.mbaction.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=&nm=&type=news&mod=News&mid=9A02E3B96F2A415ABC72CB5F516B4C10&tier=3&nid=6B9FC4D425924CC082BB7ED698F9415A

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=552237

Not going to be like Fo and declare it the best bike ever like he did with the DW –Squeak (Sultan) without even riding it.

However my old 26” Intense 5.5 was a great pedaling bike.

Redundancy

In the spirit of helping MTBR with efficiency, and in particular for newbies coming to that wealth of e-information, I propose the following "collapsing" of forums given their clear redundancy.

You may have some as well but based on my research, I have the following suggestions for forums that should simply be collapsed accordingly. It is not necessarily that it is the same group of people posting, but the notion portrayed by the title of the forum clearly lends itself to redundancy:

• Ibis and Weight Weenie forum
• Clydesdale and Turner forum
• Tooltime and 29er forum
• Beginner and All Mountain forum
• Womens Lounge and Ellsworth forum
• Ninerbikes and Asia forum (could substitute with Specialized or most other big brands frankly given their lack of patriotism)
• Beer and New Jersey forum

Suck on this DeeZee

DeeZee, or 29inches, whatever the eff your stoopid name is, get with the program and stop worrying about whether Lenz or Zinn bikes came first, and get one of these to shuttle San Juan trail.

THIS JUST IN!

I am so grateful for rsutton's blahg being science-based...i really need to take notes.

Please pay very close attention if you are not running a 90 or 100mm stem - if you are not, I would highly recommend, based on this data, you immediately switch to a 90mm (since its the highest reported in this survey).

This whole time I actually thought it was worth at least a little bit to consider "type" of riding, type of bike, subjective preferences, etc....this graph makes things so much more simple and for that I am grateful. Another myth refuted!

WTF Bike of the Week

Definitely, so far anyway, WTF bike of the week. I gots to get me one of these. Its a very logical commuter as is apparently the intent as reflected in the thread.

Deal of the week

Many of us are looking for Great Deals on used M-bikes. Here is gem I came across.

http://www.socaltrailriders.org/forum/market-place/40110-sm-intense-tracer.html

2000 Intense Tracer w/ FOX air shock (none of that PRO-pedal BS)
Rock Shox Psylo (timeless!)
Avid mechanical brakes (on par with V-brakes)

$700

Titanium Abortion

I honestly find Ti bikes to be off the hook and it is my new favorite thing to lust after, so you can see how dissapointed I was when I saw this today on mtbr.

Not to mention, FS bikes bike in Ti are the epitome of MTB retardation.

I should probably look on the bright side and remind myself that at least Lenz does not build with Ti

The New PoseurSchmidt

So bummed...it wont be available for my new bike. I like the fact there are planned to be pretty colors too though I saw no mention of a carbon version, too bad. Best part is that they will be unlikely to be Homer approved given Nicolai makes these. However, the bad news is that they are calling it the B-Boxx, which sounds too much like Lunchbox

Ok...enough with the ugly bikes

hey, i know, its got a gravity diaper-like device, random poseur carbon bits, WB fork. But given where else MTB marketing has taken things, places far more retarded, I sort of dig it for sure.

Jamis is also pretty darn good to in terms of value for dollar to begin with and not to mention, Larry is a dealer for Jamis so I may need to have a bike shipped to work one day.

Besides, with the influx of 29er poseurs its about time we jump on the far less trendy 650B bandwagon.



Frame: Kinesium aluminium alloy main triangle, weight-optimized 7005 seat and chainstays, mp3 linkage design, cartridge bearing pivots, 10mm hardware, replaceable derailleur hanger
Fork: White Brothers Fluid 650B-130 with 20mm front axle, 32mm stanchions, open bath damping, external compression and rebound adjustors, 130mm travel
Rear Shock: RockShox Monarch 3.1
Headset: FSA ZS3, semi-integrated with 20mm shim stack, 1-1/8”
Wheels: American Classic 650B XC disc wheels, AC 20mm thru-axle front and AC225 rear hubs
Tyres: Kenda Nevegal 650B 120tpi, 2.35 front, 2.1 rear, folding
Derailleurs: SRAM X.0 mid-cage rear and X.9 34.9mm top pull front
Shifters: SRAM X.0 trigger with Matchmaker clamp, 27-speed
Chain: SRAM PowerChain 971 with Gold Power-Link
Cassette: SRAM PowerGlide 950 , 9-speed, 11-34T
Crankset: TruVativ Noir XC 3.3, 44/32/22T, 175mm length
Bottom Bracket: TruVativ Giga X Pipe TEAM
Brakeset: Avid Elixir CR hydraulic disc brakes, with Matchmaker clamp, 180mm front/160mm rear rotors
Handlebar: Ritchey Mountain Pro Rizer, 31.8mm clamp/ 670mm wide
Stem: Ritchey Pro 4-Axis 44, 31.8mm clamp x 6-degree rise
Grips: Jamis Lock-On, dual density
Seatpost: Crankbrothers Joplin post with remote, 31.6mm diameter x 350mm length
Saddle: Syncros FL, Ti Hollow rails
Sizes: 13”, 15”, 17”, 19”, and 21”
Colour: Anodised Black
Price: US$4,575

How to make an ugly bike even more ugly?

Answer = Ugly paint

I really have no words to describe the lack of logic employed in the paint color decision. Perhaps its me...is the notion that ugly paint will lead people to believe the frame might actually otherwise look ok? Did Padre consult in the paint scheme for Zinn?

Oh well...at least the frame price is right at only $2595